It's been a month ago today that you left me.
Rainee is taking me to New Hampsire tomorrow. I'm certain it's her way of trying to help me get past all this. We are going to drive down to Boston Massachusetts and go through your ninth great grandfather's house (Nathaniel Hawthorne). If you can make it, meet us there. I want to show her some of his pictures. He had the same eyebrows that your dad had. I was reading his biography "The Inward Sky" and so much about him reminds me of you. His great great grandfather was one of the judges during the Salem witch trials. Nathaniel changed his last name so he could distance himself from that man. He hated the hipocracy of the people back then just has you hated it in your generation. He even suffered from depression in his time. If you see him there where you are at, tell him your wife admires his writing very much.
It snowed today. As it was coming down I remembered all the times you cleared the snow from our driveway with your Massey Ferguson. Then when you were done you would go to all the neighbors and push their snow too. I remember the year it snowed so much and we had to go down to your shop and shovel the snow off the roof. Remember when you built the huge snow hill at our Payson house and the grandkids all came over with their sleds and went down it. They were so surpirsed when you climbed on one of the sleds and went down too. I remind them about the story you told about when you were young and your dad built a ski run off the outhouse. I married into a colorful family didn't I? It's surprising how many beautiful memories can be conjured up with a simple snow storm. I only have those beautiful memories because of you Honey. You blessed my life in so many ways.
I wish I would have could have bottled each memory, placed each one in a jar and put it on a shelf so today I could pick one up and look through the glass and relive each one again. I hope when I am with you again there will be a way we can recall them all once more.
The only way I have made it through this past month honey is because of our kids. They have been an incredible support to me. We made a good family didn't we darling? Looking back honey, there's not one material item that we possessed over the last forty-seven years that mean a thing to me today. Someone else lives in our houses. Someone else is driving our cars. The equipment we had has probably turned to rust. None of it matters now. What matters is that I was married to the man that I loved with all my heart and through that love we gave life to seven incredible children and then they blessed us with twenty-five grandchildren and three great grandchildren. Nothing else in this world matters to me now except our family. Love, Family and Memories; that's all that matters. Those are my riches. Those are my treasures. I grow old being a very wealthy woman.
I love you my darling.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.