Merry Christmas Honey! I just called your brother and sisters to wish them a Merry Christmas and still after almost seven years, I miss calling you so much!
For most of your life honey, I wondered where you were. I couldn’t rest until I heard your voice and knew you were fine and well. It wasn’t much different with your brother and sisters babe. When I knew you were all safe and well, then I could settle down and relax. But I can’t call you now honey. So often I wonder where you’re at. What you are doing? Who you are with? And if you are okay. But I can’t call you. So I need to leave it to my belief system to put my heart at ease. For I believe you are loved deeply by the God of my faith, and only He can love you more than I do, and because you are loved so dearly, you are fine. I remind Him to watch over you for me each time I pray. Not that I doubt Him, but I think a mother’s love holds quite a bit of weight with Him since we both are in the habit of loving unconditionally. For you see honey, I believe He also has patience and a sense of humor. And so He’s not offended by my prayers that remind Him. Instead, He probably smiles and says “It’s Susie again.”
I love you my darling boy and I miss you so very much. I do miss hearing your voice. I miss your off-colored sense of humor. I miss hearing you say you love me and that I’m your Angel.
Honey I’m sorry. The last time I spoke to you, you said you loved me and I told you I loved you too. To which you replied, “No Mom. I really love you.”
Honey I’m so sorry I didn’t keep you on the phone longer. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you what was wrong. I’m sorry I didn’t pick up that you were hurting. I’m so sorry my darling boy. I wish I could relive that call once more. But I can’t honey. So I will find peace in knowing you are fine now. You have left your demons behind and are at peace.
But what are you doing honey? I hope all of the things you wanted so badly to accomplish here.
I love you sweetheart! Forever and ever my baby you’ll be.
Mom
