The new year is just about here leaving the old in the past once more. Remember last year we had all of our Alaska children and grandchildren at our house enjoying Jereme's prime rib and crab legs. After dinner we gathered outside, bundled in quilts watching Jereme set off fireworks. I had no idea that this year I would be without you. If only I had held you tighter, smiled more and told you over and over how very proud I was of you.
"If" is for children spinning daydreams" though. "If Only" deepens the void I feel inside. So I will push what should have been to the back of my mind and think of what was.
We had decided many years ago that New Year's Eve would be spent at home. We would have seafood and steaks and watch TV until the ball fell in Time Square. That tradition is now practiced by our kids as they too like to spend their New Year's Eve in the comfort and safety of their own homes.
Remember Honey when our kids had married and left home and I decided that instead of spending Christmas Eve with us as they had always done, they might like to stay home with their own families instead. So we had our family Christmas party on the 22nd of December to allow for it.
Christmas Eve came around and Daren called and asked "What are you and Dad going to do tonight?" I told him that we were just going to stay at home and he said "Well maybe we'll come over and join you."
I told him that would be great and in just a few minutes the phone rang again. It was Mark. "What are you and Dad doing tonight?" He asked.
"Well." I responded "we are just going to be here at home. Daren, Andie and the kids said they were going to come over.
"Well maybe Dawna and I will come over too." He replied. The phone rang. It was Rainee. She said she and Shane and their kids would be over too. When I hung up, I called the rest of the kids and told them our Christmas Eve was on. So that year......we had two family Christmas parties.
As we were gathered in the family room that night, you leaned over to me and smiling, said "I thought we were going to have a quiet evening at home."
Didn't the years go by fast, Honey? I remember Daren and Mark falling asleep behind the Christmas tree when they were little, hoping they would catch Santa. (Mark said he and Daren are going to try it again some day.....he just said that the other day.)
"Once upon a time
a boy with moonlight in his eyes,
put his hand in mine,
and said he loved me so.
But that was once upon a time.
Very long ago.
Once upon a time
we sat beneath the willow tree,
counting all the stars
and waiting for the dawn.
But that was once upon a time
now the tree is gone.
Once upon a time
the world was sweeter than we knew.
Everything was ours
how happy we were then.
But somehow once upon a time
never comes again."
I love you Darling.
Longer than the 12th of Never.