It's seven in the morning and I have been awake for some time now thinking of you. You are the first thing on my mind in the morning and the last thought of my day.
I think I have learned more of life since your passing a month ago than I have learned before. I always felt I was a spiritual person, but losing you has put me to the test. Grief is the price one pays for loving. I know that the grief I feel will never go away. I will just need to become stronger to bear the weight of it. I will become stronger Honey because it would be such a disservice to your memory for me to do anything else.
I believe one of the greatest "healers" in dealing with grief is the ability to forget. If one doesn't remember the good times, one will not mourn them. If one does not remember wrongs done, one will not have regrets. It is as if one could have a spritual amnesia. Unfortunately, I have a wonderful memory. I don't want to sacrifice those memories for the sake of grieving less for it is afterall those memories that are the remnant of our life together, of the love we shared.
I believe Darling that God in his infinite wisdom planned for our prayers to be heard. How many times did you say to me "How does God hear and answer all the prayers put out by all the people of the world?" I told you I believed God had His way and I believe He utilizes our loved ones who have gone before us.
I believe that it is our loved ones that hear our prayers there and work with us in this life to overcome the obstacles that we must overcome to obtain spiritual growth. With this belief, I feel you are still with me. You are there to help me during this time of need and through whatever times I will need you in the future. Honey, do you realize what comfort that gives me. For I can think of no one I can depend upon as much as I can you. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are there, in my corner. I know you will not give up on me. I know that you will not allow me to be less than I can be. I know that you will attack this new job of yours the same way you attacked everything in this lifetime. You will stay focussed, diligent and you will not walk away from me or our children. It all makes perfect sense to me now.
How can I or our children not succeed spiritually when you have our backs?
I love you Darling.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.