I was just wondering. At the times when I miss you the most, is it because you are so near to me and yet I can't see you?
I'm missing you today honey. I always do, but some days more than others. Memories run through my mind like a movie set on rewind. It's funny the regrets I have. It's all the little things. Things I said in the heat of argument or frustration. Times I didn't reach over and hold your hand. Times I took for granted your just being there with me. Times I chose to stay home and clean house instead of going fishing with you. I'm sorry honey for all the little things.
When I think of you honey, its the little things I think of most. It's your saying "Your eyes are sure green this morning" or "Hey pretty one". Yes honey I even miss "Would you get me a Pepsi." I miss the feel of your hand taking mine as we drive down the road. I miss laying my head on your shoulder and placing my hand on your chest above your heart I miss your calling me snuggler.
I had no idea honey. I wonder if others do. Do others know how important the little things in this life are. Do they have any idea how those little things add up to make a life. It's really not the big things. It's not the house you live in. It's all the little moments that make up life in that house. It's not the car you drive, but the memories made in the trips in that car. It doesn't matter if you are eating steak, or tuna sandwiches. It's the sharing the meal together that is what's remembered; that is important.
If only, I tell myself. If only I could relive our lives together. I would hold on to each little thing. I would hold each tight to my breast and not let it go; not let it be forgotten.
I recall our little glass coffee pot that sit over a candle to keep our coffee warm and how we would sit it on the coffee table and by the light of that little candle would have apple pie and coffee. I remember the smell of your aftershave and the dust on your hat after coming in from work. I remember the moles on your back and your hair hanging on your neck before you said you needed a hair cut and went to "have your ears lowered" I remember your elk skin gloves and your can of Copenhagen. How you kept your driver's license turned in your wallet so your picture didn't show. You hated that picture. How you would come in smelling of diesel fuel and gasoline from working on your equipment.
Millions of little things honey. Millions of things that bunched together and created our life together. Thank you honey. Thank you for the little memories that I have of you. They make me smile and they make me cry, but only because I love you so much.
Save a place for me honey. Wherever it is you are at is where I want to be.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.