Tuesday, December 20, 2011

A Letter to Danny - December 20, 2011

Good Morning Darling:

I was just listening to Carol King sing "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and knew that would not be happening this year. 

You know I have lost many people that I have loved.  I've lost my Dad and Mom, four sisters and two brothers along with your family that have passed; and I have felt grief before, but nothing like I have felt in losing you.  Your leaving me has created a large void inside me and it's strange but the void does seem to be right around my heart; an emptiness that I cannot seem to fill with memories of the past or happenings of the present. 

Last year at this time, we were preparing for our son's surgery to repair brain aneurisyms he had.  We had the ambulance insurance put into place in case Daren needed it before his surgery was performed.  Honey, I never dreamed it would be you that would use that service. 

Daren and I flew to Anchorage and you drove with Jereme, Haley and the boys.  We were so thrilled when the surgery went well and felt the joy of a Christmas miracle. 

This year, I sat writing you a letter, not knowing where you are; empty inside wishing for lost chances and opportunities with you. There were times I let those chances and opportunities slip through my fingers like sand through an hourglass, not even recognizing the importance of them. 

Life is an optical illusion; what being seen as important differs so much from what is reality.  We hang on to the illusion though, not knowing that the time will come when we see it as it is; when we will wish we had noticed all the fog and gadgets of the aberration and looked past it to the truth:  The truth being that if a thing will not mourn you, cry for you, or love you, then it is not important.  Cling first to those things that will.

I miss you Honey.  You were my truth.

I'll Love You Far Beyond the 12th of Never.

1 comment:

  1. Holidays are the worst and that probably will never change. We will always miss them, but one thing we can be so thankful for is good memories. These are our greatest treasures. My heart feels for you Susie because I know right now what you would love more than anything is to just to wrap your arms around him. The good thing is.....he knows that and more than likely, does have his arms wrapped around you right this very moment.
    Love you.