I didn't know. I didn't think I took things for granted but now I know I did. I think I could find all kinds of excuses for why I did, but now the excuses seem like my enemies. They have robbed me, but the valuables taken weren't missed until now...now when it's too late to get them back.
For example. I remember standing at the front room door. Danny is headed off to work and I have seven children to get fed, dressed, and off to school. There's commotion in the background and because there is, I hurry. He gives me a hug and I kiss him goodbye, but it is ritualistic. I'm angry that it was.I should have let the world stop for a moment and taken time. I should have paused to feel his hands on my waist. I should have paused and looked deeply into his eyes. I should have taken a deep breath and captured the scent of Irish Spring soap on him topped with a splash of Elsha 1776. But I was in a hurry.
Had I not been, I would have felt the crispness of his work shirt and appreciated how his Levis hung on his hips. I would have paid attention to how he brushed his moustache and how his kiss tasted like Colgate toothpaste. I would have paused and felt his arms around me and laid my head on his chest and listened to the beat of his heart.
But I was in a hurry. I didn't stay by the door and watch him walk to his truck giving his belt a little tug along the way. I didn't watch until the taillights of his truck disappeared before turning around to face my day.
I didn't know how much I would miss all those things I took for granted but oh how I do.
I hold a pillow tight and pretend just for a minute it's Danny; long enough to tell him I love him and miss all the Little things; the tiny seemingless unimportant things that together made up our life together.
If I had my life to live over again, I'd take nothing for granted for I know now how important they all are; those little things.