Thursday, March 12, 2015

Daren's Letter~ March 12, 2015

Good Morning Sweetheart:

(Do you have mornings where you are?)  I've been thinking about you this morning and the thoughts have brought smiles to my face.

I was remembering when we moved into the house in Moose Creek.  You had so graciously given up your bed to your dad and me.  You had made a bed in the living room and was trying to get some sleep. Your dad on the other hand had decided to repair the latch on the bedroom door at the same time.  At that point of time, he wasn't thinking quite clearly.  There you lay, and the pounding began; hammer against door frame.  You pulled your covers over your head and turned away from the noise. The pounding continued.  You put the pillow over your ears.  The pounding continued.  Then, you pulled away the covers and the pillow and you had the most miserable look on your face.  I was folding clothes...quietly, but when I looked at your face, I burst out laughing.  You shook your head, smiled and then went in the bedroom to help your dad fix the latch.  Thank you honey for your smile and for helping your dad.

Mark, Dawna, Trenton and I went for a ride up by Kamas last Sunday.  As we were riding along, I remembered a hunting trip we went on when you were a young man.  We had Mark, Robert, Donny, Darrin Welch and some others with us then.  You were all riding in the back of your dad's truck, looking for deer.  All of a sudden everyone spotted this buck out in a field.  Your dad slowed down, but before the truck came to a stop all of you were out of the bed and tearing towards the deer.  I remember looking in the rearview mirror and all I saw were a bunch of long legs marathoning it across a fence and through the field.  You all looked so funny.  That poor deer.  It was gone in a flash, but I'm sure you scared the heck out of it.

You were always such a good sport, no matter how silly your sisters and I tried to make you look. The Easter at Haley's house when we made you put a pair of panty hose with a ball in the toes on your head and try to knock over a object without using your hands.  You just had to swing your head and try and make the ball in the toe connect.  Then when we had you and Perry (both far over 6' tall) jump through a hoola hoop while running a race.  You both had to bend about in two to get that hoola hoop around your head and then under your feet.  You were so much fun honey.  You have made me smile so much in my life.

I have peace in my heart honey, knowing that you are happy where you are at now.  I know that as much as your dad drove you crazy at times, there was a point sometime before you both came to earth that your dad said "I'll leave earth first, so I'll be there when 'Ole Dare gets there."  I'm sure that was his plan honey.  I'm quite certain the door latches don't need repaired there.

Well my darling boy.  I will end this note to you.  I just wanted you to know that you still make your mom smile.  My memories of you make losing you bearable.

I love you honey.  You are a light in my eye and warmth in my heart.

Forever and ever my baby you'll be.


Tuesday, March 10, 2015

A Letter to Danny - March 10, 2015

Hello Honey:

I'm sure you know how much I have been missing you lately.  I don't think I will ever get over not having you here; not having your common sense around me.

I have been thinking a lot about life honey.  Once upon a time when I was young, I thought I was smart.  Then, everything seemed either black or white, wrong or right.  I know I developed my way of thinking from several factors, two of them being society and the religion I was born into.  It has taken me all these years to find out, that way of thinking is incorrect.  Nothing is that simple.

Who deserves to be called wrong or right, good or bad?  No one knows, so how can we place an erroneos label on another.   For example:

Our son suffered with his addiction for most of his life.  His addiction caused him to make perhaps choices that made life harder for him and for those who loved him.  But was he a bad person?  A lot of people would label him as so, based on what drugs brought out in him.  But did they really know him.  Do they know that because Daren went through the battles with his personal demons, his six other siblings didn't fall into the same trap that he had fallen into.  Do they know that his twenty-three nieces and nephews also made the choices to not follow in Daren's footsteps as far as drugs were concerned?

I know honey, you are there with Daren now.  I know that you and he now know the purposes of so many things; Daren's life included.  And honey, I feel it with all my heart, that this boy, this man who walked this life as an addict perhpas wasn't "bad" as some might label him, but instead had made a very difficult decision to make a sacrifice in this life; a sacrifice to be an addict so he could be a teacher.  I have said many times, the greatest teacher I had in my life was Daren.  He didn't teach me from a classroom.  He didn't teach me from a pulpit.  But he taught me none the less.  He taught me unconditional love.  For I did love him unconditionally.  He taught me patience.  He taught me understanding.  He taught me compassion.  He taught me so many things that exemplify Jesus Christ.  Is this the work of a "bad" person.  I think not.

Honey, the same can apply to those in our family who suffer from mental health problems.  Should they be labeled as "bad" because their illness might create problems that others do not suffer.  Are they less than "good" because of the hand they were dealt?  I have watched our daughter suffer so much.  Yet, when someone needs her, she is there.  She doesn't hesitate to share her talents, her money, her time.  Is this the work of a "bad" person?  Again, I think not.  Yet there are those who would label her as not good enough.

I will be careful in labeling anyone honey, for my children have taught me that to place a label on someone when you do not know their purpose in this life, is unfair.  None of us know the purpose of another's life.  Are they the students of life, or are they the teachers?  

In a court of law, an accused is either defined guilty or innocent because of all the evidence that is put before them.  They cannot be judged guilty, unless there is proof to their guilt.  Unless the unknown is made known.  Until we as people can know the unknown, we shouldn't judge anyone else.  We shouldn't label them as good or bad, because we really don't know the whole story.

So, when you see our son again, give him a hug for me.  Tell him that I am so thankful that I was entitled to be his mom.  Tell him I appreciate the lessons he taught me and because of his being so-called "bad" helped me to be better. My life was blessed because of him.

And my darling husband, my life was better because of you too.  You too were my teaacher.  I am better as a person by being your wife.

I love you honey.  Far Beyond the 12th of Never.