Good Morning Honey.
Was it planned somewhere in the pre-existence; your leaving me? Did somewhere deep inside your soul, hidden from your consiousness, lay the knowledge that when I boarded that plane a year ago, I would not see you again in this lifetime. Before time, was it you who made the decision that it would be at that time your soul would fly free of the binds of this earth and leave me behind with so many regrets, or was it the both of us that made that decision...somewhere so very long ago?
I'm certain that at the time the decision was made, it all seemed so simple and understandable, for at that time, we had perfect knowledge of the reasons. But in this life, not all is so simple and understandable.
I had always been with you Honey. I had been there with you through each and every bump and climb along our life. Even if it was only a bad dream, I was there beside and would listen until your steady breathing let me know you had once again drifted off to sleep. I would lay my hand on your chest and the beating of your heart would lull me back to rest. I was there with you when we were a financial success, and when it was all taken from us. I was with you when you could swim upstream, and then when you labored to walk. I was there with you when your fears were irrational and your temper uncontrollable and again when your strength gave me peace and your tenderness showed me love.
I was with you every day, except for that day, that last day when you needed me and I wasn't there for you. But was it in the pre-existence that we made that decision...that I would not be with you at that time. Was it because had I been there I could not have let you go and had I been there, you would not have had the strength to go.
I don't know Darling. I don't understand. I only know I miss you and would move heaven and eath to be with you, had I the power. But because of our children, I will wait. I am broken, but I am breathing. I will get up and get busy because it will make me feel better. For after all, those were your words.
When I think about how long it will be until I'm with you again, I can almost hear you whisper "It's such a short time." Perhaps were you are at, mortal time is but a blink of the eye, but where I am at, it moves as molasses from a jar.
I am still with you Honey. You are in my waking thoughts and my dreams. You are in the color of the autumn leaves and the first snowfall. You are in the pines and the rivers, the sunrise and sunset. You are in our sons and daughters. For not matter how far apart we are, we are bound by that golden, invisible thread; the thread that binds hearts.
I love you my Darling.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.