Saturday, November 10, 2012

A Letter to Danny - November 10, 2012

Hi Honey:

A year ago at this time, I was in Utah.  Your attorney had called us regarding your case against Rite Aid Pharmacy.  Remember Honey, they had filled the wrong prescription and it had made you very ill.  Your attorney said that one of us had to come back to Salt Lake City for a pre-trail conference.  You didn't feel like going so you had me go in your place.

You were so terribly sick this day, a year ago.   Daren took you to the clinic in Fairbanks and Shannon and Haley met you there.  Even being so sick, they said you still had your sense of humor.  When the nurse went to draw your blood, just before she poked the needle in, you yelled "OWW".  They said the nurse jumped so high.

Shannon and Haley laughed when the doctor asked you if you had any children and you told him you had two sons.  "What are we...chopped liver." Haley said. 

They were so worried about you and worried that I was three thousand miles away.  They told the doctor I was in Utah and asked him if they should have me come home.  He told them to wait until Monday; that they would run more tests then.  You died on Sunday. 

How can a year go by so quickly without you?  How can so much pain be packed into such a small time frame. 

You always had such vivid dreams Honey.  I remember you telling me about them and they would be filled with such details.  You knew I had seldom dreamed and when I did, I couldn't remember them. 
Not being able to dream about you has bothered me the entire year.  That is why what happened night before last was so incredible.

Haley had been talking to you as she was driving home.  She said she hoped people would think she was talking on her phone if they happened to glance her way and see her by herself with her lips moving.  But she was talking to her Dad, telling you to get ahold of one of us and let us know you were okay.  "I don't care who you contact, Dad," she said.  "rather it's me or Rainee or Daren or somebody.  Just get in touch with one of us and let us know you are okay.  Mom is struggling.  She needs to know you are all right."  She said she talked to you all the way from Fairbanks to Moose Creek. 

I laid down on my bed that night and fell asleep.  And I dreamed of you. We were sitting in a large dark room, but a light illuminated a table and chairs, the kitchen cupboards, and a bed that was in the background.  I was looking for something to fix to eat.

"You don't like chicken stew.  Do you?"  You asked me.
"Do we have chicken stew?"  I asked as I kneeled down to look in the cupboard.  All I saw was can goods and a Hostess Cupcake.  You liked Hostess cupcakes, so I placed it in front of you and turned the television around so you could see it.

You gave a little shiver like you use to do when you were cold.  I knelt down in front of you and rubbed your right leg with my left hand.  I could feel the texture of your levi's, and feel the tightness of your swollen leg underneath.

"Do you want to go lay down and get warm?"  I  asked you."  Then I said a silent prayer "Please God don't take him from me." 

I awoke, and for just a few seconds, I still felt you there with me. 

"I'm so glad I got to be with you."  I said aloud to you for I knew you were there in my room.

It was late, but I had to tell someone I had been with you, so I sent a message to Rainee.  Little did I know that later that night, you would visit her in her dreams also.  I would later learn you visited your niece Sherry too.

Early that morning, Jereme was laying in bed.  Everyone else had left the house and he heard the bathroom faucet turn on.  He thought perhaps McKensie was still at home.

"McKensie," he called.  "What are you doing?" 

There was no answer.

He walked into the bathroom to find the handle of the faucet turned on and the water  running with no one there......No one but you Honey.

Thank you Honey for hearing Haley as she talked to you.  Thank you for loving us enough to want to let us know that you are okay. 

I love you Darling,

Far Beyond the 12th of Never.



1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad you are able to feel this love from Danny. You loved him so much. I know it breaks you heart every day not to have him with you. I don't know if that pain ever goes away entirely because you will never stop wishing he was here. You have an incredible family though and that is what is keeping the heartfelt memories alive. Time heals some of the pain, but it will never take away our longing to put our arms around them and feel their warmth. I wish I could make it all better. Love you so much.