Wednesday, November 14, 2012

A Letter to Danny - November 14, 2012

Hi Honey:

Well it's been a year.  Our kids called me yesterday to see how I was holding up and I told them I had relived the day you left for the last 364 days.  Yesterday was no different.  In your honor, we had tacos for dinner. 

Mark called me this morning and told me he's reminded of you every day.  When he drives the dump truck or goes duck hunting out in Duschene Valley, you are there with him.  All of your kids miss you something awful.  It just shows how much you are loved.  (and right about now you would say "What is there about me they love." and I would tell you "There's a lot of reasons")  I hear your voice in my head often.

A year ago today, I went to the pre-trial hearing I came down to Utah to go to.  The pain from your dying was so fresh and intense.  I made it through the meeting and then Mark took me to the airport to fly back to late, to you. 

I sat in my seat and I didn't know how I was going to make it.  Oh God I was hurting.  Then I heard in my head as you you told me "Have a glass of wine.  It will help." 

The stewardess came by and I did as I heard you tell me.  She gave me a glass of wine and I chugged it down.  You know how I hate the taste of alcohol so I took it like I would take a spoonful of  The fact that I hadn't had anything to eat all day helped speed it into my blood stream.  Being a novice drinker, a glass of wine made me drunk. 

I arrived in Spokane for my layover and called Rainee to let her know I made it safe.  Needless to say, she knew by the way I was talking, I wasn't myself. 

Honey, it was so funny.  Within ten minutes after hanging up with Rainee, I had calls from all of our kids and Lola too.  Mom was drunk!!  Rainee was sure I was going to miss my connecting flight, or make a scene on the plane and get thrown off.  It was just so funny.

Even drunk, I had the soundness of mind to tell myself "Susie.  You need something to eat."  So I went to McDonalds and after a cheeseburger and a coke, I was feeling better.  I made my connecting flight.  I didn't cause a scene.  I didn't get thrown off the plane.  I made it back to you, none the worse for a glass of wine.  I guess the next time you advise me, you might want to think it through a little better.

I love you Honey.  Another day of missing you. 

Far Beyond the 12th of Never.


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