Sunday, November 11, 2012

A Letter to Danny - November 11, 2012

Good Morning Honey:

I dreamed about you again this morning just before I awoke.  We were in our trailer house down along the Provo River.  You were having chest pains and I had a girl call for an ambulance.  I kept telling you "The ambulance is just about here Honey.  Just hold on." 

I could hear the sirens coming, but when they got to the corner of where we were it turned the other way.  I got you into your truck and started down Center Street in Provo to take you to the hospital.  I missed the entry to the Emergency.  I  and when I got to the exit end I pulled in, pulled up onto the lawn and ran in to get someone to come and help us.  As I was running back to the truck I yelled over my shoulder "He needs a wheelchair." 

When I got to the truck, my niece was talking to you.  You were telling her "I'm okay."  I told her "He's not okay.  It's his heart.  He's just always so positive. 

One of the male nurses said "Yes.  Danny is always positive."

Next, I was back in our trailer house alone.  I told myself "He died.  I remember he died."

Next I'm walking down the street and I see your truck pulled to the side.  Daren is standing at the driver's side window telling some guys "That was a hard job."  I see a building and I know that you are in there.  "If he's there," I told myself, "I'm going to go up to him and hold him and tell him how much I love him."  I walk in and there's this long table full of food.  You are standing there.  I could tell you just had a hair cut. (or your ears lowered as you would say.)  You are wearing your green quilted jacket.  I walk up to hold you and you backed up a little.  I reached out and held on to your left arm as you said "Be happy.  Let's just move forward."  Then I woke up.

After a year of not dreaming of you...not being with you, I felt as though I was in a vise and pressure was squeezing me in.  After the last two nights of having you in my dreams, that has lifted.

I love you so much Honey and miss you more than words can say.  I don't want you to worry about me.  I know you have "things" you need to do where you are at and I want you to be happy too. But I will welcome your visits in my dreams anytime.

Today is my mom's birthday.  Wish her a happy birthday for me.  Tell her I love her.

I love you Far Beyond the 12th of Never.


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