Monday, March 4, 2013

Daren's Letter - March 5, 2013

Hi Honey:

The song I wrote for you "Dance with the Devil" is finished.  I can't begin to describe what a wonderful job Tyler York did on the compositon.  I know somewhere, close enough that you can see me and yet far enough away that I can't see you, you are there.  I know as Haley and I sat in the car and listened to the final, you watched us cry as you did when Rainee and Sheree and Shannon listened to it. 

Can you understand how very much we all love you? How very much we all miss you.  But then my darling boy, you were pretty darn lovable and so very missable. 

Vince has stayed a while in Utah with Rainee.  He has gone out on a couple of jobs with Mark and has struggled.  Head down, ass up, you taught him when it came to construction work.  The time he spent with you working construction has built up memories in him; memories that will sometimes be welcomed, but for right now are painful.

Haley and Jereme have been checking up on Christian.  Jereme has made certain there was fuel enough in the tank to keep the heat on.  They have asked if he's needed anything, but he tells them "no".  He's always been independent, but he knows if he needs anything, there are people close by who love him and will help him.

I've made it back to Alaska.  I will help Vince and Crush get all the legalities done that pertain to your passing: death certificates, social security death benefits, your retirement, your taxes.  Things that a seventeen and nineteen year boy haven't learned about.  They are men now, arent they honey.  They grew up in an instant.  One minute they had a dad and the next they didn't.  Life can seem cruel at times.

We will be there for them honey.  We will make certain they have what they need, including the knowledge that though you are not here, nothing will change as far as family goes.  We will still have our Easter party and our trips to Valdez.  We will have our Thanksgivings and Christmas Eves and keep as many traditions as possible.  We will get angry and get over it.  We will laugh and reminice about times when you and your dad were here with us.  Family will go on, but for a while, there will be an emptiness.  Two empty chairs reminding us although our family is still large, it is no longer complete. 

So come around as often as you can Sweetheart.  Place your arm around my shoulder even if I can't feel it.  Whisper that you love us and hear us say how much we love you back.  Laugh with us around the camp fire or around the dinner table.  Pray with us and for us when we end our days. 

You and your dad stay close, sweetheart.  Be with us when you can, for it is only then we will feel whole.

I love you my boy.



  1. Hi Susie, love your writing. When or where can I hear this song? God Bless... (HUGS)

  2. Your song is absolutely amazing! Tears overflow each time I hear it. I love you mom and all that you do. you will change the lives of those in need I just know it!