I wonder what you are doing where you are at. Are you in a healing process where your spirit is recovering from all you went through when you werre here? Are you reviewing your life's journey and judging yourself from what you see? Do you feel pain when you witness the pain you caused? Does your spirit rejoice in all the joy you brought to this life with you? I wonder where you are.
I'm still your Mom, honey. I still think of you, worry about you and love you unconditionally. I hope you are happy. I hope you are peaceful.
Here, life goes on without you. It doesn't seem right that it does, but the days come and the days go and I breathe in and I breathe out. I feel the air enter my body and seem to feel some of it escape from the hole in my heart, in my spirit that was left when you passed.
I was with your boys yesterday. We went about the business of life without you. We went to the Permanent Fund Office and they applied for their Alaska dividends and for yours. There was a guy in there yelling at one of the clerks. He had a felony and was angry he wasn't getting his dividends. When we left the office, Christian commented on how stupid this guy was; stupid for getting a felony and stupid for trying to blame someone else for his bad behavior. I was proud of him for recognizing that.
Vince told Christian to call home and tell Hunter to make sure to get the dishes done, that they were going grocery shopping and wanted to be able to come home and put things away in a clean kitchen. I was proud of him for wanting this.
You did so much right in your life my dear son, inspite of the demons you battled dailey and that rightness is reflected in your boys. No sweetheart, they are not perfect. There will be times when they stumble, fall on their faces and need to rise once again, dust themselves off, and begin anew. But my dear one, you have taught them to get back up.
I can't promise you I will always be there for them, but I will promise you I will always try. I can promise you that I will love them unconditionally, as I have loved you. And I promise you when they need someone in their corner or at their backs, a Whiting will be there.
Life will never be the same again without you. It will never be quite as happy again. But we'll live on. That is what we must do and that is what you would want us to do. Perhaps life will seem more gray. It lacks the color you brought with your living.
I hope when you review your life, you will be reminded of a mother that loved you wholly. One that was given joy by your living. Given laughter by your antics. Given pride by your heart. Don't cry for me darling. I have enough tear for the both of us.
Send me your whispers on the breeze, your laughter in a song, your love with a kiss on my cheek. I will sit quiet and listen for you.
I love you honey.