A Letter to Danny - March 19, 2013

Hello Honey:

I think a long time ago in the pre-existence, you made the decision to leave this earth before our son did.  I don't know for certain if it was to be there to meet him, or if it was because you knew I would find comfort in knowing you and he are together. 

Did you know honey that over the past month and a half, I have found such comfort in you.  I know that I can't see you or hear you, but I know as certainly as I breathe that you are still such a part of me.  Perhaps its because there is still a silver thread, a fine transluscent filament that is unseen by human eyes, that connects my heart with yours. 

I can hear you whisper words of love at one moment and then hear you tell me to get up and get busy, that it will make me feel better the next. 

Did you know honey?  Could you have imagined that when you were here giving out usually unwelcomed bits of wisdom to us; me and your children, that when you would leave this rhelm, that wisdom would see us through some pretty difficult times. 

"Awareness to life is the secret to life," you would tell us.  I would smile knowing that if that were true, you should be able to know where you had laid your glasses or your Copenhagen.  But with those words of yours ringing in my head, I find myself looking closer at this thing called life.  I try to notice the geese on wing, or the color of the sky.  I look closer at the faces I meet and the places I go all because of you. 

At night when I miss you and Daren so much, I hear you tell me to get some sleep that things will look better in the morning.  Last night as I turned off my light, I hope you heard me whisper "I'm so glad Danny loved me."

Every day, I pray to my God and I talk to you, confident that my prayers and talks are heard by you both.  With this knowledge, I find the strength I need.

No one knows me like you do honey.  No one except you truly knows my strengths, my weaknesses, my insecurities, and my flaws.  And because you know me so well, you know that writing is my escape.  So when life feels like its closing in on me, I write.  So I write to you, because in my writing I can tell you how I feel and then I can let what I feel escape and fade into the universe. 

So when I write how much I love and miss you and let it release into the air, capture my words and feelings.  Place them in the pocket of your shirt and carry them with you.

I love you Danny and I will

Far Beyond the 12th of Never.

Susie