Friday, February 22, 2013

A Letter to Danny - February 22, 2013

Hi Honey:

I haven't written you for a while, because I have been writing our son's story.  But you know that don't you.

While writing it, I was so over whelmed with love for you.  Remember how you use to say "You can do a million things right and one thing wrong, and people will remember the one thing you did wrong."  We both had a lot of our wrong things, Honey, but I want you to know that I remember the million when it comes to remembering you.

As I wrote Daren's story, I recalled what you did to save your son.  I thought of the old movie "Walking Tall" and told myself once more that your children and I had our very own hero in you.  That was just one part of the man I love.  The part that would kick down doors and make threats of killing the SOB's if they ever harmed your son.  We all knew you would protect each and everyone of us when push came to shove.

Then there was the part of your that was so forgiving.  Honey, I don't remember a time when you were wronged that you didn't turn around and forgive.  What an incredible trait to have.

Do you know honey, I never remember you being judgemental of our children.  I hope they know that when they made mistakes and turned and walked away, you never spoke ill of them behind their backs.  I remember one day I was feeling bad because one of our children had dropped out of school.  Of course, I thought it reflected entirely on the type of mother I was not to have instilled a more stronger desire for an education.  You took me in your arms and said "Gal, don't judge us on the rules society makes.  I don't think society is doing a very good job.  Our kids will do okay."

 I stopped that day...I stopped comparing you, me, and our children by the standards others tried to impose on us.  I decided we didn't need to follow the same route everyone else was taking in life.  What did it matter if we took a detour or an exit and ended up seeing life differently.  As long as we didn't hurt others, what harm did it do?  The answer my Darling, is it did no harm at all.  Oh, perhaps people looked down their noses at us.  Perhaps they whispered behind our backs.  Perhaps they felt the need to pray for us that we would be able to get back on "right" track.  Looking back, I think the scenery of our route was much more colorful.  Colorful would be a good word for our life together. 

You balanced me out honey.  When I was being pulled under by my emotions, you reached down and lifted me up with your reason.  Now, when I find myself sinking, I think "What would Danny tell you to do?"  I take a deep breath, think what you would tell me, and then I do one of two things:  I do what you would have told me...or I do what I want.  (You just smiled didn't you.)

You know Honey, You were never a hugger.  (except to me.)  A memory just brought a huge smile on my face.  Actually, it made me laugh.

Remember when Jereme was leaving to go into the Navy before he and Haley were married.  We had a family get together at our house before he left.  He was just a little scrawny kid back then and when he got ready to leave, he walked up to you and gave you a big hug.  You stood there as stiff as a board with the funniest look on your face.  You didn't know what to do.  (God forbid you just give the kid a big old bear hug.)  I'm sorry Honey, but we still all laugh at that memory.  Your discomfort was so comical. 

The last time Mark saw you, he decided he was going to break that chain.  He and Justen had come to Alaska and they were just getting ready to head back to Utah.  Mark went up and put his arm around your shoulder, as you patted him on the back.  Do you know what I have come to realize my love.  You wanted their hugs as much as they wanted yours. 

I have pictured in my mind the scene as you met Daren when he left this earth last month. My mind sees him step through the veil to find you waiting for him.  I can see you as you walk towards each other, you reached out and shake his hand as you throw your other around his shoulders in a warm embrace. 

"Glad to see you, Son."  You say to him. 

"Thanks, for being here for me, Pops.  You got a cup of coffee?"

I love you Honey

Far Beyond the  12th of Never.


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