Do you know how much I am missing you today?
We had our son's service yesterday. I'm certain you were both there for it. I'm certain you heard each of our children stand up and express how much Daren meant to each one of them. He's a special boy, that son of ours.
Honey, thank you for giving me our children. When we are all together, I tend to look at each one of them and soak in their being there. And each minute I watch them, I think to myself "How did I get to be their Mom?" I would think that being a Mom would mean you should be the wiser one. But I watch our children and listen to them and enjoy them and think "I am not their Mom because I deserve to be. They are a gift to me. A gift I didn't earn or buy or I'm not even sure, deserve. They are just a precious, beautiful bundle of gifts and I am so blessed to know they are mine...at least for a while.
God is kind of an Indian Giver. He gave me you and he gave me Daren and then he took you back. Don't worry honey. I'm not being sacreligious. God knows how much I love Him. He knows that I know there's a reason for everything He does. We talk a lot; He and I. Well, I do the talking and He does the listening. I will ask Him for something and then in time I will see that he answers my prayers. Some times it really isn't the manner I anticipated having them answered, but they are answered.
At the time when you were drinking way too much, I asked him to please make you so sick you wouldn't ever want a drink again. In my mind I was thinking: give him an ulcer, or have it make him so sick at his stomach he won't ever want to drink again. Well he made you sick enough that you never again took a drink of alcohol. You became depressed and would be for a long time. I would sit next to you and try to encourage you and try to find what would make you feel better. It would take years for Paxil to come on the scene and help you.
Then, I asked God to bless you and our sons. Working together in a family owned business created stress in yours and their relationship. I asked Him to please bless you that your relationships would be of dad and sons; not of boss and employees. God answered my prayers by shutting down the business.
I have learned that the old adage "Be careful what you ask for" is true. I told God one day as I was driving in my car that the next time I ask for something please make it as easy on me as possible. I know He was laughing at me. You see Honey. That's the relationship I have with Him. I talk to him as my friend and I know that He loves me and doesn't take offense at my human-ess. I know that if I ask for something He knows isn't right for me he will smile and say "Oh Yea. Like that's going to happen."
I am just so thankful He gave me you. I am so thankful he gave me our children. I will just hope the song from The Sound of Music is true; "Here I am standing here, loving you; rather or not I should. Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good."
I love you my Darling. Give Daren a hug for me.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.