I got in my car yesterday as I headed off to visit Jeri. I turned on the radio to Elvis Presley singing "I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You" and it reminded me of you doing your Elvis impersonation to the same song.
It hurt for a while. How I missed the silly little things you use to do. I went in to visit Jeri and when I came back out and turned on the radio, it was Elvis again singing "I'll Have a Blue Christmas Without You" again. Once more I heard your voice in my head but this time it made me smile. It was so like you to be obnoxious sometimes.
How many times during our "Survivor" parties over the past many years did we hear you yell "Come on In Everybody" (Your impersonation of Jeff Probst) or hear you sing "OH! He danced with the girl with the hole in her stockin's and her knees kept a knockin and she never quit talkin.". Then there were the numerous songs you made up....but only one verse that you would sing over and over even when you heard us groan. (He's a Rodeo dog, he's a kibble dog. He's a Rodeo dog he's a kibble frog).
Honey, I can honestly say, I never thought there would come a time when I would miss hearing those songs...but I do.
But then, I miss so many of your little idiosyncracies. I miss how you use to tug your levis up when they slipped down a little. I miss how you buttoned your shirts wrong. I miss your not liking the bottom of the blankets tucked in and your little glasses perched on the end of your nose when you read. I miss finding screws and washers in the pockets of your pants when I went to wash them and the Copenhagen you carried in your shirt pocket. Yes Honey, I even miss your spit bottles and that should give you some idea on how much I miss you.
I hope that wherever you are, you are missing the way I always needed to be covered up when I slept even if it's in the summer time. How I always had to have my stash of Hersey's. How I would fix a midnight snack of a bologna sandwich with tomatoes, and needed to have my tweezers to pluck my eyebrows. I hope you miss waking up to find I'd slipped out of bed and was in our office writing in the middle of the night and you would come to find me and say "Whatsa goin' on?" How I had a hard time tying a slip knot or tying the hook on my line. I hope you miss my potatoes and onions and my bringing you your cup of coffee in the morning.
I wish I could say that I hope you are completely happy where you are...I wish I could but I can't. I want you to be a little miserable like I am. After all, it was you who kept saying "Misery loves company."
I do want you to be happy though, just like I know you want me to be. I'll find a way Honey. I have to for our children and grandchildren. But I won't be completely happy. How can I be when part of my heart has been torn out.
I love you Darling.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.