Good Morning Honey:
I went to Jack and Tanner's basketball games last night at the high school. I was looking at the seniors there and thought how they look so very young. I remembered being their age and that I felt old at the time. I thought I knew exactly what I wanted and where I was going in life. I had no doubts back then. I looked at the young girls and the realization that when I was their age, I was engaged to marry you, hit me. I was so young...perhaps too young. Perhaps had I been older, we would not have had some of the problems we had. 20/20 hindsight is so clear.
But then when I woke up this morning I thought to myself, I'm glad I didn't know what we were heading into. Had I known or had you known, perhaps we wouldn't have danced the dance; and to me, that would have been so horribly wrong.
Rather I was so young or not, my love, I know I was meant to be with you. There is no question in my mind or heart at all about that.
Remember the large Christmas candle you painted on the picture window of our Provo house. It was about 45 years ago and I remember it so clearly. You impressed me with your talent. Remember our putting lights on our big old shrubs in the front of our house and then on Charlie too. (You even had names for the shrubs.) I thought they were so beautiful shining through the snow.
I love my memories of Christmas with you. The front room of our little Provo house would be filled with Christmas presents for our kids. Each one had their own "group" of gifts when they woke on Christmas morning. (But they could only get out of bed once the street lights had turned off.) The year we gave them all skis was incredible. Those skis would end up building such wonderful memories for them to share as a family. I would haul them all over to North Park in Provo where they would catch the bus to Sundance for ski lessons. They remember hiding their tuna sandwiches in the snow and recalling how wonderful they tasted when lunch time came. Then, they would all come home; cold and wonderfully tired. They would gather blankets and pillows and lay on the heat ducts and fall asleep or watch television. We had wall to wall children. Didn't we? Thinking back makes me happy.
Those days are gone now Honey. Oh, they still live. They live in my memory and in the memories of our children and I'm certain wherever it is you're at, you remember them too. But those times have been replaced now; replaced with our children building their own memories with their children. I'm just glad there's room enough for memories of past and present.
Well my love, I will get busy (cause it will make me feel better). I'm going to go to visit our Idaho children this weekend and build a few more memories. I love you Honey and miss you more than you could imagine. Do me a favor when you read this. Burst into song singing "A star, A star!!!" That's the only part you could remember of the song "Do You Hear What I Hear." Sheree will recall that one.
I love you Honey.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.
Susie
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