The day was golden today, the kind of autumn you loved so much. The quaken asp are yellow, the pines are green and the scrub oak is rust, oranges and red. Lola and I rode over Alpine Loop and down into Heber Valley. The mountainsides were an aray of color. God knows how to paint beautiful pictures. Of course, being there in the mountains you loved so much, made me miss you and long for all the times we traveled the dirt rodes of your mountains.
A while back, Mark took his trailer house to Strawberry. He was trying to find the perfect place to park it when he said, "If Dad were here I could call him and ask him where the best place would be, and he could tell me. He knew every road and turn off."
It was all around me today, the colors against the azure sky and I tried to grab hold of it like I use too. But then I realized that the colors will never be quite as bright as they once were. Because my darling, you were what added the color to my life.
I understand Honey. I understand that you do not want pain to be your legacy to me. So I will swallow it and I will live and I will try to make the most of this life of mine without you. But forgive me if I miss you when spring gives birth, spreading the mounains and valleys with shades of green, when a a summer's rainstorm sends its cool drops onto hot cement or when the winter winds blow the new fallen snow into swirls and drifts leaving it sparkling under the porch and street lights.
Know that I see you in the stars that light up the night sky. I hear you in the brook that makes its busy way across the cobblestones, and in the call of the greenhead mallards flying in their formation across the chilled air of fall.
And if you listen closely, you can hear me whisper "I love you" as I gaze at and listen to those things you loved so much.
My day has come to an end my darling, so I will slip my arms into your shirt and imagine you are holding me, and hope that perhaps by chance, in the dark of night I will see you once again in my dreams.
I love you Honey.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.