I left Sheree's yesterday and drove back home to Mark's. My heart was so heavy with missing you that several times I had to pull over because my tears wouldn't let me see the road. Everything I saw, everything I heard, the feel of the breeze reminded me of times spent with you.
It was then I realized that my writing my letters to you was a two-edged knife. I keep opening the wounds that I am trying to heal. It's not that I am going to forget our time together. Honey I never will. All of the details of the last 47 years are embedded in my mind and in my heart, but I need to tuck them away. I need to do it for my self preservation. I can't bring them out and pour over them everyday or I'm not going to be able to function.
I have written my life's story and I will go back and update the last two years we have spent in Alaska. In that story, I have included our life together and the same memories that I have shared here on this blog. They and others will be there for our children, grandchildren and whomever happens to read it. Our time will be written for history.
I know that you don't need my letters for you to remember. I'm certain that wherever you are, you have the ability to look back over this earthly life we have shared together. I'm sure you can see it with much brighter and better prospective than I can. So I know the letters are not important to you and I know that you know what is in my heart. I don't need to put it all in print.
Instead of my letters to you, I am going to continue to write, but I will use my imagination instead of my memories to write. In doing that I think it will help me to heal..
I love you Honey. Time will never take that away and I will forever do so Beyond the 12th of Never. But for right now Honey, under these circumstances this letter will be Good-bye.
Wait for me.