I didn't know honey. When I talked to you the day before you died, I didn't have any idea it would be the last time I would be able to tell you I missed you and loved you. Had I known, I would not have put the phone down. I would have talked to you, and talked to you and talked to you. I would have told you how much joy you have brought to me in your lifetime. We would have recalled times when we laughed and times when we cried and times when we both were mad at each other. We never could stay angry with each other for long. Could we. I think about one day was my limit for being angry with you. Then you would call and it would be all over. Or I would call you. One way or the other, it never lasted long.
You told me that day "I miss you, Mom."
And I told you "I miss you too, Honey."
And then you said "No. I really, really miss you Mom."
And I told you to hurry and come home. But instead of coming home, you went home.
I have been humbled Honey. I was told about two songs that you said reminded you of me. "Thank God for Believers" and "A Simple Man". I listened to them today and was humbled that you thought of me like that. A girl said you told her that I was your angel. How blesssed I've been to have a son feel that way about me. Thank you, darling.
I'm glad you are with your dad, Honey. When the pain subsides, I feel a sense of peace knowing you are together.
Your boys will be here tomorrow. I will pick them up from the airport. They are bringing your ashes with them in the urn that looks like the gas tank of a motorcycle.
We will all look after them Honey. We are family after all and that's what family does. You and your dad look after them to. Inspire them to do those things that are of good report.
I miss you Dare. Losing you has not fully hit me yet. I'm certain after your service is over, then the real reality will set in.
I will more than miss you honey. I will really, really miss you.
Let me know you are around me Honey. You of all people know how I am. I will need some signs.
I love you Dare. I'm glad you chose me to be your Mom.