Monday, January 28, 2013

A Letter to Danny-January 28, 2013

Hello My Love:

It's been a hard week for me honey.  One of the hardest since November 13, 2011. Did you know? Did something deep within you, or something you knew about long before we came to this earth, let you know that 14 months after I lost you, I would lose our son?  Could it have been in the plan that you would leave so shortly before Daren; that you would be there to grasp his hand when he stepped through the veil.  I need to believe Honey.  I need to believe that nothing is left to chance.  I need to believe that all is as it should be.  I need to believe that you and your son are together again, perhaps sitting here beside me as I write this.  I need to believe that he is joking with you and you are saying "What a loon."  I am so broken Honey that I need to believe these things in order to feel my heart beat.

I know how much you loved our boy.  You showed it in so many ways.  You never gave up on him nor did you give in to him. 

He always told me he would die young.  I would push his words to the back of my mind, praying he really didn't know what he was talking about.  Praying it was just a delusion. 

He would tell me he saw auras around people.  I wonder when he looked into the mirror, if he saw one around himself.  Death makes me wonder all kinds of things Honey.  In one instant, it makes me question and in the next, it forces me to believe. 

When you left me, you took a part of my soul.  A part of my heart.  And now our son has taken another piece of each.  I honestly feel a void Honey.  It sits right below my heart.  I think if it could be seen, it would seem like a hole that has a soft breeze blowing through it.  An emptiness.

I love you my darling.  I'm glad you didn't need to go through this pain.  I know had you been here to watch your son die, you would not have recovered from the crushing hurt.  I'm glad you were there to meet him. 

Give him a hug for me Honey.  Tell him "Your Mom says to tell you she misses you."

You two take care of each other for me until I can be with you again.  Your children and his siblings are missing you both.

I need you both to do something for me.  Please keep close watch on Vince and Christian.  Please reach out and guide them, and help them, and comfort them.  Please call on all you can to encircle them and bless them with safety, comfort, peace and the desire to do those things that are right.  They are such good boys.  I know I will not be able to be with them constantly, but I know that you can.  Take care of them for me.

I need you to be with me too.  Hold me Honey.  Tell me everything is going to be okay.  Tell me everything is as it should be.

I love you so much.

Far Beyond the 12th of Never

1 comment:

  1. I love you so much, Aunt Susie.

    It will be okay...some day.