A Letter to Danny - October 10, 2012

Hi Honey:

The day was golden today, the kind of autumn you loved so much.  The quaken asp are yellow, the pines are green and the scrub oak is rust, oranges and red.  Lola and I rode over Alpine Loop and down into Heber Valley.  The mountainsides were an aray of color.  God knows how to paint beautiful pictures.  Of course, being there in the mountains you loved so much, made me miss you and long for all the times we traveled the dirt rodes of your mountains.

A while back, Mark took his trailer house to Strawberry.  He was trying to find the perfect place to park it when he said, "If Dad were here I could call him and ask him where the best place would be, and he could tell me.  He knew every road and turn off." 

It was all around me today, the colors against the azure sky and I tried to grab hold of it like I use too.  But then I realized that the colors will never be quite as bright as they once were.  Because my darling, you were what added the color to my life.

I understand Honey.  I understand that you do not want pain to be your legacy to me.  So I will swallow it and I will live and I will try to make the most of this life of mine without you.  But forgive me if I miss you when spring gives birth, spreading the mounains and valleys with shades of green, when a a summer's rainstorm sends its cool drops onto hot cement or when the winter winds blow the new fallen snow into swirls and drifts leaving it sparkling under the porch and street lights. 

Know that I see you in the stars that light up the night sky.  I hear you in the brook that makes its busy way across the cobblestones, and in the call of the greenhead mallards flying in their formation across the chilled air of fall. 

And if you listen closely, you can hear me whisper "I love you" as I gaze at and listen to those things you loved so much.

My day has come to an end my darling, so I will slip my arms into your shirt and imagine you are holding me, and hope that perhaps by chance, in the dark of night I will see you once again in my dreams.

I love you Honey.

Far Beyond the 12th of Never.

Susie

A Letter to Danny October 6, 2012

Hello Honey:

Without thinking, I opened the door in my memory tonight.  Inside was a shelf and on it sat simple things that made you you; simple things that made me love you.

The shelf was painted a steel blue; the same color that you painted your shop floors.  On it sat a variety of things. 

There was a bottle of Vicks and I can smell it as I write.  There sits a glass coffee pot over a lit candle.  It's the one we had when we were first married and we would sit it on the coffee table and have our coffee with cherry pie.  There sits a bottle of apricot jam.  How you loved it with your toast. 

There's a nickle laying there.  It's the same nickle you pushed down behind Mama's headstone when we buried her.  When I asked you why you put it there you said "When I'd ask Mother MaCree how she was doing, she would always say she wasn't worth a nickel.  I want her to know she is."

There's a package of bologna, a ripe tomato, miracle whip and a salt shaker.  Remember all the times I would fix us a bologna sandwich for a midnight snack and you would tell me no one made bologna sandwices like I did. 

There's a cresent wrench and a screw driver and a roll of duct tape.  You could fix just about anything with those.

There's your little black mustache kit that you had when you grew your mustache out about six inches on each side.  You were so proud of it as you twirled the ends into a curl.

There's the cookie you would feed to Whoa Baby.  She was such a cute "fat" horse.  You would say "Do you want this?" and she would nod her head. 

In the background I can smell diesel fuel, motor oil and gasoline.  They were such a part of what made you you.

Sometimes, I find myself trying to put locks on the cabinets that house those shelves in my mind.  It's something I do for self preservation, for to open them and review all the little things tears open the wounds you left in my heart.  But there are other times I need to open the doors and gaze and smell and feel, for if I do, you are with me again.

I miss you honey.  I love you.

Far Beyond the 12th of Never

Susie

A Letter to Danny - September 3, 1012

Hi honey:

I knew I told you I wouldn't be writing anymore letters to you, but I want to talk to you, and you know that I talk best when I write.

I went to Monroe Mountain over Labor Day weekend with Rainee and Mark.  I thought of you so much while I was there.  It was one of those things where I had to prepare myself to go there, since we had been there so many times and built so many memories.  Shane took Rainee over to where you found Mark's bull elk for him.  She really wanted to see it....dishrag canyon.

I remember all the pain you were in the last time we went there.  You had hurt your hip so bad that you could hardly walk, but you didn't let it get you down.  You were determined to make it up the mountain and watch Mark as he cleaned his elk.  You really never did let much get you down honey.  I can remember so many of the times like when you were bit by a black widow and your arm swelled up something terrible.  Then when you were bit by the scorpion and had such a bad alergic reaction to it.  I remember the night the truck fell on you.  When they pulled you out from underneath it, your entire right side looked like it was mashed.  But each time, you were determined not to quit.  You got back up and went to work.  You really were an inspiration to so many people honey.  I am so proud of you and proud I was the one to be your wife. 

I'm making it honey.  Each day I put one foot in front of the other and one memory back on a shelf and go about my life.  My life has been divided into three sections:  Life before you, life with you, and life after you.  Each one, "you" were the main character.  I'm not quite whole, honey.  I don't think I ever will be again.  I will do everything I can to not waste the time I have left on this earth, and to not cause our children grief or problems. 

My car broke down week before last, and I wished you were here.  You would know what to do about it.  But once again I realized, I am on my own now.  Oh I know.  Our kids would come to my help in a heartbeat, but I don't want them to need to at this point in time.  Someday, perhaps there will be a time when I can't possibly do things for myself.  At that time, I will ask their help.  Right now though, they all have their own lives to deal with and I don't want to be an added burden on any of them.  (Although they would say I'm not a burden.)

I love you honey.  You know there will never be anyone else for me but you.  I miss our lives together.  You know what is so funny.  Some of the things I miss most about you are those things that use to drive me crazy.  Now, I look back at them and smile.  I would like to be driven crazy again with your antics and ways. 

Wherever you are honey, please know that I love you with all my heart.  I won't be afraid to leave this earth, because I know you will be there waiting for me.

I love you honey.

Far Beyond the 12th of Never.

Here I Go Again

Here I Go Again
Susie Whiting - Copyright 2012

V1:
The morning sun shines through my window
as I face another day.
I swear this time that it is different
It won't be the same as yesterday.

Pre Chorus:
But who am I kidding
it for sure isn't me.
my heart knows the truth
and my mind will agree

Chorus:
Here I go again,
I can't turn off my heart.
Can't seem to forget
Don't know where to start.

No matter how hard I try
Don't know where to begin.
I was in love with you yesterday
and here I go again.

V2:
I make it through a cup of coffee.
Make it out my kitchen door.
before the memories start flowing
and I'm loving you once more.

Chorus:
Here I go again,
I can't turn off my heart.
Can't seem to forget
Don't know where to start.

No matter how hard I try
Don't know where to begin.
I was in love with you yesterday
and here I go again.

V3:
If I call and say I'm sorry
for the fool that I have been
Is there a chance that you may listen
and start loving me again.

Chorus:
Here I go again,
I can't turn off my heart.
Can't seem to forget
Don't know where to start.

No matter how hard I try
Don't know where to begin.
I was in love with you yesterday
and here I go again.

Outcro:
I was in love with you yesterday
and here I go again.

Motor Oil and Sweat

Sitting here in my dad's old truck
I can almost smell him near.
It's just my imagination
for he's been gone about a year.

He never told me that he loved me
when I was a man or kid
But the smell of motor oil and sweat,
reminds me that he did.

Pre Chorus
When we rebuilt this old Chevy truck
He helped me to understand
That it can take more than three words
To say I love you to a man.
For he would tell me:

Chorus:
Remember boy there’s things
To take care of in this life
Take care of what’s important;
your children and your wife.

Take care of your reputation
Make sure your word is good
always give a little more
that what people think you should

 Stuff can always be replaced
Cry over that which can cry for you.
Raising a good family
Is the best thing you can do.

Rebuilding that old Chevy
He taught me lessons I have kept.
Lessons that were mixed with
motor oil and sweat.

Instrumental:

Repeat PreChorus & Chorus

Vietnam Veteran

Vietnam Veteran   (Copyright 1996- Susie Whiting)

Hush be still, do you hear it;
It’s the sound of an anguished cry?
A cry that asks the reason
“Why in God’s name did I die?

Why shouldn’t I be remembered?
Why do you speak in shame?
Wasn’t I fighting for the cause of man
and in my country's name?

Why am I scorned rejected
As my comrades too in life
are faced with hypocrites taunting
and criticisms’ knife?

Someone out there hear me,
And let my soul fill no regret
Someone out there hear me
I am a Viet Vet.

Does anyone out there hear me?
If you do then tell me why.
Hush listen do you hear that?
It’s a lonely soldier’s cry.

Hush my lonely soldier
Yes I can tell you why.
I can tell you why you fought the fight.
I can you why you die.

You heeded to your country’s call
For in a distant land
Were those locked in persecution
but it was you who took the stand

You gave your all to your country’s call.
With your brothers you fought true.
So rest each one, our country’s sons
You’ve the respect now that you’re due.

You’re not scorned, you’re not rejected,
so go to God above
Go with your country’s thanks
Go with your country’s love.

Hush now do you hear it
In the dark of night it’s still
The crying now is quiet
on cemetery hill.

Sophia's Story

Sophia's Story
Copyright - June 1980


Listen dear folks and you will hear the story of why we're gathered here.
Now let your minds travel back in time, back further...and further...now that's just fine.

The scene is heaven so long ago
Spirits lined up as far as can go
"What's taking so long?" One asked with a nod.
"Oh just be patient.  Sophia's talking to God."

"Now Sophia, you understand don't you?
You understand what you're to do.
It won't be easy...this trip to earth
but if you go, you'll prove your worth."

"Yes, I understand and don't you see
I have a little gypsy in me.
So let's get going, I hate being slow."
Yes.  This is what happened so long ago.

So Sophia traded in halo and wings
and all of her other Heavenly things.
She waved goodbye as she passed through the door.
That was November 11, 1904.

Scene two takes place after many years.
Sophia's seen smiles, heartache and tears
but lo and behold as was in God's tune,
down to Sophia, God sent June.

She was a bundle of joy
A basket of bliss.
So to add to her pleasure
God sent Sophia Chris.

A cute little boy
full of mischief and love.
God saw Sophia loved him
so Henry came from above.

When God saw that three
caused not much dilema,
He blessed her again
and sent Mary Emma.

As Sophia wiped the
sweat from her brow.
She wondered what God
had in store for her now.

She said "Wait a minute.
This is a little bit scary.
I've got June and Chris
and Henry and Mary.

So I'll refrain from more blessings
if it isn't much trouble.
She shouldn't have said that
Cause she got zapped double.

Jeri and Emy
came down to rest.
Now Sophia was really
being put to the test.

But she loved each one.
She was proving her grit.
So God sent her Franny.
"Now wait a minute....that's it!!"

Seven's enough..wait a minute...go slow.
Are You sure I agreed to this long ago.
"Yes Sophia, you agreed on that Heavenly Day,
plus a little bit more.....so He sent Lola May.

With eight was an armful.
A year went by.
Then two, then three
Sophia let out a sigh

The fourth came and went.
She felt good with stuff.
She finally felt God
had blessed her enough.

But then in five years
blessing nine came to earth it.
Could she stand it???? You Bet!!!
Because Susie was worth it.

So Sophia was tested
and she came out blue steel.
She had kept up her faith.
She and kept up her will.

She took all life's hardships
and she beat them all.
She stood up proud
and she stood up tall.

Then on June the 10th of 1980
God said "Well done"  to this lovely lady.
He called her home, gave back halo and wings
and all of her other Heavenly things.

So if you wonder about Sophia
just give a smile and a nod.
It's for certain she's up there
talking to God.