Everyone has gone to bed as I sit here thinking about you. I haven't felt well the last few days, and not feeling well reminds me of you. It's funny all the things that make me think of you.
When you were with me and I didn't feel well you would say "Can I get you anything?" and I would say "No. I'm fine."
Then you would say "Why is it you can always get things for me when I don't feel good, but I can never get anything for you?" I tried to explain honey, that as a girl growing up, my mom had to work during the days. In my teenage years, it was just she and I at home, so if I wasn't feeling good, I had to get for myself because there was no one else there. Now as I sit here, I realize that perhaps I made you feel I didn't need you and Honey that is so far from the truth.
Knowing that you slept beside me brought me comfort. Knowing you were there if I really needed you, brought me peace.
Some might find it hard to believe that the sound of your snoring was such a good sound to me. For so many years when we were younger, you struggled sleeping at night. So when we got older and I would hear you snoring, it was like music to me. I knew you were resting and so I could too.
Tonight, my love, how I wish you were here with me. If you would ask me if I needed anything, I would find a list. But since you can't be with me, I will write this letter to you. Because when I write to you, I am with you again. Talking to you as if you sat beside me. Cry knowing that you would wipe my tears.
When I lost you Honey, I knew you were gone. But with Daren, I can't wrap my mind around his leaving.
With you, it seems I cried for weeks, missing you so bad. With Daren, it's like so often I refuse to believe he's not here so I don't cry, until the tears build up to over-flowing. Honey, is it because a child is not suppose to go before his mom?
The only comfort I have Honey, is knowing he is there with you and you are there with him. But then my love, you have always been there for him.
So as I sit here tonight with my medicine beside me, should I by chance here you whisper "Can I do something for you?" I would say "Yes, Honey. Keep taking care of our boy for me. Keep knowing how very much I love you and tell him that his mom loves him so much. Find time to stay beside me and if by chance you can, let me know you are here. When I fall to sleep tonight, let me hear you snore in my dreams."
I love you Honey with all my heart and I will
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.
WWAPSWAKGBTOWOT (Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss. God bless the one who opens this.)