Tuesday, March 10, 2015

A Letter to Danny - March 10, 2015

Hello Honey:

I'm sure you know how much I have been missing you lately.  I don't think I will ever get over not having you here; not having your common sense around me.

I have been thinking a lot about life honey.  Once upon a time when I was young, I thought I was smart.  Then, everything seemed either black or white, wrong or right.  I know I developed my way of thinking from several factors, two of them being society and the religion I was born into.  It has taken me all these years to find out, that way of thinking is incorrect.  Nothing is that simple.

Who deserves to be called wrong or right, good or bad?  No one knows, so how can we place an erroneos label on another.   For example:

Our son suffered with his addiction for most of his life.  His addiction caused him to make perhaps choices that made life harder for him and for those who loved him.  But was he a bad person?  A lot of people would label him as so, based on what drugs brought out in him.  But did they really know him.  Do they know that because Daren went through the battles with his personal demons, his six other siblings didn't fall into the same trap that he had fallen into.  Do they know that his twenty-three nieces and nephews also made the choices to not follow in Daren's footsteps as far as drugs were concerned?

I know honey, you are there with Daren now.  I know that you and he now know the purposes of so many things; Daren's life included.  And honey, I feel it with all my heart, that this boy, this man who walked this life as an addict perhpas wasn't "bad" as some might label him, but instead had made a very difficult decision to make a sacrifice in this life; a sacrifice to be an addict so he could be a teacher.  I have said many times, the greatest teacher I had in my life was Daren.  He didn't teach me from a classroom.  He didn't teach me from a pulpit.  But he taught me none the less.  He taught me unconditional love.  For I did love him unconditionally.  He taught me patience.  He taught me understanding.  He taught me compassion.  He taught me so many things that exemplify Jesus Christ.  Is this the work of a "bad" person.  I think not.

Honey, the same can apply to those in our family who suffer from mental health problems.  Should they be labeled as "bad" because their illness might create problems that others do not suffer.  Are they less than "good" because of the hand they were dealt?  I have watched our daughter suffer so much.  Yet, when someone needs her, she is there.  She doesn't hesitate to share her talents, her money, her time.  Is this the work of a "bad" person?  Again, I think not.  Yet there are those who would label her as not good enough.

I will be careful in labeling anyone honey, for my children have taught me that to place a label on someone when you do not know their purpose in this life, is unfair.  None of us know the purpose of another's life.  Are they the students of life, or are they the teachers?  

In a court of law, an accused is either defined guilty or innocent because of all the evidence that is put before them.  They cannot be judged guilty, unless there is proof to their guilt.  Unless the unknown is made known.  Until we as people can know the unknown, we shouldn't judge anyone else.  We shouldn't label them as good or bad, because we really don't know the whole story.

So, when you see our son again, give him a hug for me.  Tell him that I am so thankful that I was entitled to be his mom.  Tell him I appreciate the lessons he taught me and because of his being so-called "bad" helped me to be better. My life was blessed because of him.

And my darling husband, my life was better because of you too.  You too were my teaacher.  I am better as a person by being your wife.

I love you honey.  Far Beyond the 12th of Never.


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