Hello Honey:
I remember years ago, you and I took a ride up high up in the mountains. It was early fall, and we pulled in alongside a little lake. The snow was falling and the wind was blowing. The pine trees and quaken asp made the sounds they make when the wind is blowing through them. Gray storm clouds hovered over the mountain peaks. It was all so wonderfully majestic. I remember turning to you and saying "I hope heaven is just half as beautiful as earth is." So many times in our lives, I marveled at the beauty God created; rather it be the birth of spring, or the dead of winter. I have learned a lot since you left me honey. I have learned that every magnificent thing God makes is enhanced by the love you feel in your heart, the joy of sharing it with someone you love. I think if everyone was someway lifted off the earth, the earth would not be as vibrant. The colors would not be as colorful. The sounds would not be as beautiful. The scents would not be as fragrant. It is love that adds too and enhances what God creates. Of course, Honey I have learned this the hard way...by losing you. God still creates beautiful things, but they seemed shadowed without you here to share them with me.
I'm missing you so much tonight. As I was lying in bed, I thought "I wish I could just hear his voice." So, I decided to pull out our letters to each other once again and read what you had written me when you were away in the Army. As I read your love letters, I could hear you. But, just so you know in case you have forgotten, I counted the letters I wrote to you and the letters you wrote to me. I wrote you ninety-four letters. You wrote me ten. With that said, I think you have some writing to do. I don't know how it's possible there where you are at but I think if you look you can find a way to write me at least eighty-four more letters. Maybe the only way I'll be able to read them is if you imprint them on my mind or wrap them in my dreams. But I will be expecting them.
I have cancer Honey. Can you believe that? I know if you were here, you would be shocked and in denial. You would be telling me that the doctors are wrong and that if I think positive, it won't be so. You would tell me to get up and get busy and I will feel better. You would put on a tough front, but I know underneath that tough exterior that was Dan Whiting, your heart would be breaking for me. I know I'd feel you squeeze me a little tighter when you held me and I know you'd make certain your bible was under your pillow at night just to make sure God heard your prayers. I'm going to be okay Honey. I'm going to fight it with everything I have, because we have our six children here and our large brood of grandchildren. I need to fight for them. And I will. But my love, I feel I am in a win/win situation. If I win this battle against cancer, I will be here with our children. If I lose the battle, I will be with you and Daren.
You know Honey, life is so full of petty things. So much of what we worry about or get angry about is so silly. I look back on our life together and regret the times I let stress or frustration control my actions. There really are so few things in this life that justify hurting the people we love. I wish I could tell everyone to cherish every second they have with the people they love. Don't sweat the little things...or even some of the big things. In a year or two down the road most of those things will not matter at all. They will just be times when we have taken a dark crayon and marred the beauty of the day with harsh words or actions.
It's spring here Honey. The grasses are greening. The blossoms are in bloom. The spring sun is covering the chill of the past months. It's a beautiful time of year, but it's not the same. It's not quite as beautiful as it use to be...when you were here. But I don't say I hope heaven is as beautiful as this is anymore. I know it is and it will be because you are there.
I'll keep watching for my letters.
I love you Far Beyond the 12th of Never.
Susie
No comments:
Post a Comment