I got your messages on my blog. Thank you Sweetheart for using what I write to let me know you are still with me.
I hadn't planned on writing a letter to you on the anniversary of your death. I wasn't going to write anything on Facebook either. I had made the decision to mourn on my own that day. Rainee was in Georgia when she texted me and asked the address of my blog. A woman she was with wanted to read it, so I gave it to her and then went ahead and entered into it. Had she not texted me, I wouldn't have received your message.
I started to cry when I saw what you had done. On the letter I wrote to you on December 26th, you had underlined and changed the fonts to green on the words "Merry Christmas" "Christmas Ornaments" "Flannel Jacket" and "Caribbean Cruise". On the letter of January 9th you had done the same thing to "loved ones" and "peace and love."
They stayed that way until this morning. When I went into my blog today, your changes were gone. I found it interesting that when I went to the list of all the things I had written, there were two items that were listed as "Drafts" dated January 9th. I don't do drafts, so I know that it was on that day; the day I was hurting so badly for you, that you made the changes in your letters. You let me know you are with me.
When your dad died, you knew I had such a hard time not being able to feel him, or dream of him. You would tell me it was because my mind was too busy. So, you found a way to get around my crazy mind. You went to where you knew I would see. You went to my writing.
I love you so much Dare. I miss you more than you can believe, but because you love me, you have made your being gone bearable now because I know you are looking over my shoulder.
Tell your dad, I love him and miss him. Of course, he knows it because he is looking over my other shoulder, but I like to tell him anyway.
I don't know what my destiny is on this earth. I don't know when it will be my time to shed this body and fly to where you are, but I do know my darling son that when that time comes, you will be there to meet me. So I will just imagine that you are living in some far off country and I haven't the means to visit you right now. So I will write you my letters and tell you what is going on in my life. I will say I love and miss you and I'll be happy when the time comes that I can afford to come to where you are.
And on your letters I will mark WWAPSWAKGBTOWOT which means:
Written with a pen
Sealed with a kiss
God bless the one
Who opens this.
Sweet Peace my Darling Son.