I just wanted to let you know I heard you call to me on the 8th of April. I laid down on my bed and was so exhausted from not being able to sleep. I fell sound asleep though and woke to you calling "Hey Mom!" I woke up startled, thinking for a minute it was Mark who was calling me. I sat up on the side of the bed to see what he wanted, but no one was there...that I could see anyway. Then, it dawned on me it was you I had heard. I know you've been with me Dare. I have felt strength from you when I needed strength and peace from you when I needed peace. I love you so much.
I hope you can stay by me a little longer. The surgery is over, but now its on to the chemo therapy and I am worried about it. I know I will come out of it okay, it's just the process that troubles me. I know I will be much stronger with you and your dad close by.
Speaking of your dad, you know I have downloaded songs onto my Iphone that I play when I walk. And you know the first one that plays is "Everybody Loves Somebody, Sometime" with Dean Martin. Well, when I was wheeled into surgery on Wednesday, that was the song that greeted me. Tears came because I knew he was there with me as I knew you were.
When I came out of surgery, I was met with the beautiful faces of your sisters, Susan, Shannon, Sheree,and Haley. Your Aunt Lola was there too. How blessed I felt having them there for support and knowing you and your dad were just a breath away. I knew too that Rainee was there with me in spirit even though miles and miles separated us.
I don't know what tomorrow will bring honey. I don't know what lays around the corner of next week or next month. I do know however that whatever it is, it will be okay. All will be as its meant to be. I know, I will not shed this jacket of a body until I've learned the lessons I was sent to this school of life to learn. And I'm still not very smart. I have a lot of learning left to do.
Honey, gather together your band of angels and watch over your boys. Life is not as easy for them with you gone. They have been thrown into manhood and it has not been an easy adjustment for them. Talk to who you need to talk to to guide Vince and Crush, to lift them up when they are weary, to let them glimpse the light at the end of the tunnel when they are discouraged,to help them choose the right road to take, and good people along their way. They are good boys with good hearts. You know that though, since it was you who made them that way.
Well my darling boy, once more I tell you I love you. Once more I tell you I miss you. Once more I say how glad I am to have been your mom. Give a hug to all those that are there with you; all those who have a piece of my heart. especially that guy you call your dad.
Sweet Peace My Darling Son,