Guess what? I'm back in Alaska. I flew in yesterday and as I walked out of the terminal headed towards baggage claim, I lost my breath. The last time I made that walk, I was coming to pick up the pieces of my heart when Daren died. The time before that, when I made that walk I was coming because you had left me.
Two years ago today, I woke up thinking it would be a normal day. I was at Mark's house getting things done so I could come home to you the next day. I didn't know that would be the day when my world would tumble down around me.
We were watching Harry Potter; Mark, Dawna, the kids, and I, when the phone rang. It was Haley telling me you had died. I remember crumbling to the floor. Then, I called the hospital and asked for the emergency room. I was crying as I told them to put the phone up to your ear. I needed to tell you that I loved you. I heard them talking to you on the other end of the phone, telling you it was me on the phone. I told you I loved you. The nurse came back on the phone and told me she was sorry.
Two years ago. It seems like yesterday, and yet it seems like forever. Time is so strange. I remember you telling our kids that a year seems like such a long time when you look forward, but is just a twinkling of an eye when you look back on it.
The old saying "Time heals all wounds," isn't really true. Two years haven't healed me. I'm just learning to deal with you not being with me. You learn to deal...you don't heal.
I won't be sending up balloons today Honey. I will do that on your birthday. I will spend the day remembering you, our life together.
You are with me all the time Honey. When I wake, when I drive, when I write, when I clean, and right before I fall to sleep you are there; in my mind and in my heart. You're with me when I look at the autumn leaves, when it rains, when the wind blows and today in Alaska when there is an ice storm. The last ice storm I was a part of, I was with you; living in our little cedar house in Salcha, Alaska. Schools and business had been shut down because of it, so you and I settled and kept warm and enjoyed just being together.
I think if scientists could look into my heart, into my skin and into my soul, they would find part of your DNA there because you are such a part of me.
I love you Honey. Always have and always will.
Far Beyond the 12th of Never.